It’s Wednesday, the day before Ascension, which means it is actually Friday for those who have a day off on Friday. So yesterday was Thursday dressed as Tuesday. Thursday is our new Saturday… Just in case you got confused, it’s quarantine anyway and we all stay at home no matter what day it is, right? So sit back, relax and forget this goofy introduction. Here’s some real comedy gold. Enjoy our gems of the day.
This shutdown saga is exposing who's never been told "no" in their life.
— Craig Bro Dude (@CraigSJ) May 18, 2020
i can hear the DJs now “if you survived COVID-19 make some mf’n noise!”😂
— twiggy smallz (@DilanTheVillain) May 17, 2020
this is the future of entertainment pic.twitter.com/DXSKxdib2y
— glamorous reptile (@glamoureptile) May 17, 2020
The rest of the world is watching America like America watched Tiger King.
— Mr. Onederful® (@ericonederful) May 19, 2020
been making coffee at home instead of getting starbucks for two months which according to economists should’ve made me a billionaire by now so what is happening
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) May 19, 2020
dumbledore takes 200 points from slytherin for breaking social distancing rules but gives gryffindor 500 for being brave enough to hug one another in trying times
— corri (@ThatsSoCorri) May 18, 2020
People are like “how are these people refusing to wear masks in stores” but when I worked in retail people would regularly take a dump in the dressing rooms so what I’m saying is maybe lower your expectations for humanity
— Amber Sparks🪓 (@ambernoelle) May 19, 2020
— self improvement guru (@InternetHippo) May 19, 2020
having an apple as a snack which means my 26,000 calorie takeout dinner this evening will be entirely guilt free
— 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘽 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉 (@calebsaysthings) May 14, 2020
So in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
— 9GAG (@9GAG) May 15, 2020