It’s Friday, and thus the night to go out and meet yourself a Stephanie. Have a couple of drinks and if everything kicks off, with consent, you guys go home. You end up falling asleep to waking up to someone you have never seen in your life. And you know what, that’s ok! It’s better to wake up to a Stephanie 2.0 than a Tony! Man that was too many drinks and not enough to wipe help me forget that night. But here’s something to enjoy, our Daily! Please enjoy!
One time a guy I was seeing told me he didn’t like burritos because the ingredients were “hiding” and I think about that more than you could imagine
— Shelby Wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) May 15, 2020
having an apple as a snack which means my 26,000 calorie takeout dinner this evening will be entirely guilt free
— 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘽 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉 (@calebsaysthings) May 14, 2020
Harry Potter taught me to be hopeful in the face of adversity
Star Wars taught me to own the strength I already possess
Shrek taught me that it’s totally cool to have sex with dragons
— Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) May 21, 2020
My son and I are making homemade ice cream. Because why spend $5 on a tub from the store when you can use $30 in ingredients and completely trash your kitchen.
— Gen (@ScudderGen) May 21, 2020
me: drying last pot after doing dishes for 45 mins
husband: do you need any help?
— Priscilla (@itsPKav) May 21, 2020
when i was younger i was at a petting zoo and this other kid there started petting ME and his mom was just like “lol sorry he’s never seen a redhead before!”
— elise morgan (@crocfanpage) May 22, 2020
The rest of the world is watching America like America watched Tiger King.
— Mr. Onederful® (@ericonederful) May 19, 2020
Who cares if girls look different without makeup. Your dick looks hella different soft
— ℒex ❥ (@lexi_ciano) May 19, 2020
Idc who house I am at, I’m turning off unnecessary lights
— Abdi ⛹🏽🐺 (@Abdithugger) May 18, 2020
Kids these days will never know the hardships of each week having to overcook a fresh hardboiled egg yolk for the computer mouse pic.twitter.com/ToIb0cv9Fg
— Marina Ayano K (@even_kei) May 21, 2020