There’s nothing like the smell of desperation and agony on a Monday morning, realizing that the weekend is finally over and another week of exploita- we mean honest work is ahead of us. So let’s leave all hope behind us for the next five days, buckle up and show the Monday what we are made of. Which is basically too much red meat, red wine and red flags. But there’s nothing a few dozen pizzas for dinner can’t fix, particularly when there’s something special for dessert. In this case, our gems of the day. Have fun!
Are you able to relax on Sunday evenings or do you know about Mondays?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 24, 2021
If I love you, I'm not setting you free. That's crazy talk. Get your ass back in the basement and be quiet.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) May 23, 2021
Pittsburgh Weekly Gazette, Pennsylvania, August 16, 1905 pic.twitter.com/AofpCbHNBG
— Yesterday's Print (@yesterdaysprint) May 23, 2021
dress yourself in such a way that the vampires are frightened by how much they want you
— Owl! at the Library 😴🧙♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) May 23, 2021
me: I can't tell you how long I've been waiting
clock repairman: I know, sorry
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) May 22, 2021
server: the plate is hot
my brain: ᵗ ᵒ ᵘ ᶜ ʰ ⁱ ᵗ
— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) May 20, 2021
I remember a dentist described laughing gas to me once by saying “you’ll be in pain but you won’t really care.” Turns out he was also describing antidepressants
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) May 21, 2021
i hate that no matter what a kid draws, you have to be like “good job.” no brandon. the dog isn’t as big as the house. this is shoddy work. grow up
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) May 23, 2021
(pulls emergency break, cue porn music) pic.twitter.com/GpioiHRcaf
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) May 23, 2021
I remember the day my son was born, watching my wife struggle and triumph through child birth. I held my son for the fist time while the doctors went to work fixing up my wife and I just remember thinking, “yeah okay, maybe that really is worse than that cold I got last October.”
— dADDisms (@Beagz) May 23, 2021