Well, I guess I know what I won’t be asking at my next match! But now it got me over here thinking that’s the reason why I’m still single. I always thought I was single because my Ex decided to sleep with my best friend and I was never the same after that. Or maybe my ex was the mentally ill one and me, well I’m just perfect! Or am I 🤪!
My wife said she’d buy her own birthday cake this is a test right
— DadBroDad (@DadBroDad1) May 26, 2020
mom: is that porn?
mom: I can clearly see it
me: so ur watching porn?
me: *leaving room* perv
— tatum 🍇 (@50FirstTates) May 26, 2020
Husband: Tell me a fantasy of yours.
Me: So you go back to the office for work.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 26, 2020
i love when guys on dating apps ask “how is a gorgeous girl like you single” I’m mentally ill, brandon
— mads (@madddiexo) May 25, 2020
I made this comic strip two years ago… Nothing has changed lol pic.twitter.com/t1gyV2jxQ2
— Obi Arisukwu (@ObiAris) May 26, 2020
imagine u beefing with me and I pull up to yo crib with 9000 termites. Whole foundation gone cuz u wanna talk crazy
— Vic (@VictorPopeJr) May 25, 2020
you ever get a text and say out loud “bro leave me alone”
— 𝚊𝚗dr𝚎w ✰ (@aandrewwz) May 25, 2020
If coronavirus didn’t exist I genuinely believe Summer 2020 would’ve been the best yet idc
— oxygen (@sahelhaque) May 25, 2020
I love them lil free plants outside walmart and home depot
— marx jane ☭ (@dykefataIe) May 25, 2020
When I was little my dad used to sneak into my room and ask me if I wanted to have a party. Obviously I said yes, so he’d come sit on my floor and eat uncooked pasta while he watched infomercials until dawn. This isnt an endearing story, my dad was just on crack cocaine❤️
— anastasia (@libravuitton) May 24, 2020