It was another exhausting week of 2020 and by my calculations, we’ve now reached Dante’s fifth circle of hell. And it’s not even June, my friends. So before we realize what kind of apocalyptic plague summer has in mind for us, perhaps take a look at our Daily and enjoy the ride. Have fun!
The actors who play parents in commercials never look tired enough.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) May 28, 2020
Me: [at the gym] arm or leg day?
Octopus: [crying] I’m not sure
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) May 29, 2020
Anchor: Tonight, we are joined by an expert who will sum up the situation. Welcome, Dr. Smith. So, what can you tell us?
Dr. Smith: Thanks Bob. Basically, it's all gone fucky. Everything.
— Christina, mostly merciless from a distance 🦇👻🤘 (@Aikiwomannc) May 29, 2020
Which wine pairs best with I’m so over this fucking year?
— 𝓜 (@Love_bug1016) May 30, 2020
Some dude built his wife the Taj Mahal and I can’t get a DM from a guy that doesn’t have his wife in his profile picture
— Cat Rosé (@WinningByARose) May 29, 2020
God is looking down on humans right now thinking, “Damn. Maybe I should try dinosaurs again?”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) May 29, 2020
People who think riots don’t work are going to be SHOCKED when they learn about all of history.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 30, 2020
My dog sure barks a lot for someone who needs a pep talk during thunderstorms
— 𝙒𝙄𝙇𝙇 🅾️ (@TheIntComShow) May 30, 2020
I have lost control of the situation.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 28, 2020
No it’s okay. This is my bedtime piece of ice cream cake. I need the calcium.
— Sooz (@CruisinSoozan) May 27, 2020