It’s Sunday, the sun is shining and smart as we are, we already did all the grueling tasks we put off during the week yesterday. You know, mowing the lawn, doing the laundry, or as suggested in yesterday’s issue, hunting down the neighbor. Sorry, Marcus, we will miss your midnight pan flute play very much, but well, May 30 is the day Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. So it could have been a lot worse. Anyway, as for today, there are only the finer things in life to do. Speaking of which, here are the 10 best Tweets from today!
Ok but that 1899 bottle look like it’s gon be a good time😂😂😂 https://t.co/EZU4vQQTmB
— Saint Jebediah The Shone👑😇 (@ThaBeardedSaint) May 27, 2021
I just moved into a place on the outskirts of a small town in Maine, and the locals’ faces drop when I tell them which house I moved into, I hope this doesn’t turn into a Stephen King novel
— fully-vacci Nate d ☕️ 🧙♂️ (@perlhack) May 29, 2021
Women never apologize. They just sleep naked and let you decide if you’re still mad or not.
— 𝘽. 🐝 (@justmommabee) May 28, 2021
What if I told you there was a single intervention we could deliver in our cities that would cool them during heatwaves, reduce flooding, scrub pollutants from the air, boost biodiversity, improve public health, and even reduce crime? You wouldn’t believe me. But it’s true. pic.twitter.com/W1KWm6RHFk
— Jon Burke FRSA (@jonburkeUK) May 28, 2021
When I was a teenager I visited my uncle and stayed on his ranch and he had two llamas and I asked him why on earth he owned llamas and he said “because I worked hard my entire life and I like them” and it was the most king shit I’ve ever heard
— Chauncey Sugarsweets (@CSugarsweets) May 27, 2021
i be like “long story short” then still tell the entire story
— diana (@dirtyydian) May 28, 2021
many times a suspect can be spotted loitering around the crime scene pic.twitter.com/63qiiqs7Sg
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) May 29, 2021
my husband likes to sing a line of the song ahead of when it’s supposed to be sung just to prove he knows it, and i need to emphasize that i have not murdered him yet.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) May 28, 2021
The fact that there’s gonna be a Joker 2 just means Batman isn’t doing his god damn job
— Warren G. Harding, 29th President of the U.S. (@PopeAwesomeXIII) May 29, 2021
My niece turned 3 today!! She asked for a Lion King cake but specifically the moment where Mufasa dies, because “everyone will be too sad to eat the cake and it will be all for me.” pic.twitter.com/UOatqCUSj0
— Casey Feigh (@caseyfeigh) May 29, 2021