December is getting closer each day and with it the real Christmas season, not the annoying „let’s buy gingerbread in September“ tradition. And while the vast majority of people desperately hope for a more or less restriction free holiday season, a few thousand very confused morons are still going to rallies „against“ the virus. A fun fact about mask boycotters: They have a very selective hearing, probably genetic, we don’t know. While „would you please put on a mask in the subway?“ is usually ignored or being laughed at, a gentle and polite „if you so much as breath into my direction, I’m gonna break you like a glowstick“ is immediately understood. But to be fair, everybody loves glowsticks. Speaking of things we love, here are our gems of the day. Enjoy!
Is it socially acceptable to drink cheese yet? Or are we still using tortilla chips
— Jen_A_Palooza (@Ten_Toes_7) November 18, 2020
Instead of asking us if we're still watching, Netflix should offer us encouragement like:
– You've binged 4 episodes!
– Look at you go!
– Don't forget to stretch!
– Are you ready for a snack break?!
– You can do this! Time to hydrate!
— gg on the hill (@Mom_Overboard) November 18, 2020
I feel you, bro pic.twitter.com/iGrfAO0wOJ
— Bea Ferreal (@beaferreal) November 19, 2020
i feel like autocorrect is that kid in class who very confidently yells out wrong answers
— Hateful Unicorn™️ (@hatefulunicorn) November 16, 2020
coffee prices are out of control pic.twitter.com/gEiQlqzbPm
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 18, 2020
Maybe whatever is living in Loch Ness stays hidden because we keep calling him a monster
— Böb Jänke (@Bob_Janke) November 19, 2020
Bookworms are very simple people. All we want is a huge library inside a castle with Gothic turrets and secret passages and maybe a wardrobe that also is a portal to Narnia.
— Icona 📚 (@Iconawrites) November 18, 2020
brain: you’ve rehearsed this moment over and over. your notes are ready if you need them. you got this buddy.
drive thru: can i take your order?
me: *sweating* number cheese sex no large
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) November 18, 2020
I am a REAL MAN. I use terms like BETA and ALPHA because I am a WOLF and my boys are my WOLF PACK. I sleep OUTSIDE and HOWL at the MOON my FAMILY has EXCOMMUNICATED me. I ate BEAR MEAT and now I have TRICHINOSIS please call an AMBULANCE.
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) November 18, 2020
I went to marriage counseling once. I spent $7,000 to have two women call me an asshole.
— Special K (@ServiceTech_) November 18, 2020