Saturday, the week is almost over and to be honest, compared to the last it was a nearly boring one. Which is a good thing, not every week has to have the feeling of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding behind you while catching up. On the other hand, the term «calm before the storm» comes to mind, it’s still 2020 after all. And if we learned one thing, it’s that this year has something up it’s sleeve everytime you tone down your cynicism or the amount of alcohol. But since we’re an optimistic bunch (hey, who laughed?), let’s hope for the best. Speaking of the best, here are our gems of the day. Enjoy!
I’m dreaming of an all-inclusive multicultural Christmas. Where everyone, and I mean everyone, buys me a present
— Penguin Online (@OnlinePenguin2) November 20, 2020
her: I can't believe you just killed the last vampire
me *singing under my breath* ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦⁿᵃˡ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ ᵈᵒʷⁿ
— andrew (@AndrewsNotFunny) November 20, 2020
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Please identify all the sewer grates in these pictures
— The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 (@blade_funner) November 20, 2020
new twitter features:
• fleets: short posts that disappear after 24 hours
• every day twitter picks one random user and executes them in the middle of the street
— viking (@notviking) November 17, 2020
— Texts With Threatening Auras (@TextAuras) November 20, 2020
I'm watching a screenwriting lecture by Robert Eggers and at one point he goes "my number one tip is don't write a goat into your movie, you can't train a goat, the goat was a fucking nightmare"
— Jenova's Witness (@dubsteppenwolf) November 19, 2020
friend: our basement just flooded we have to cancel game night
me: *covering phone* that’s a bit extreme
genie: two wishes left
— jo (@WhaJoTalkinBout) November 20, 2020
if i was famous I would simply release a bad song and watch my fandom struggle to defend it online
— hot pink bitch named breakfast 💾 (@5alentine) November 19, 2020
Her: I want a divorce
Me: I WON THIS MARRIAGE BY A LOT
— Jason Not Evil (@JasonNotEvil) November 19, 2020
trust me bro, no woman has ever looked at your tinder profile and gone “i wish he was holding me like he’s holding that fish”
— sherry🥺 (@sherrysworld) November 20, 2020