We hope everyone survived Monday, which shouldn’t be taken for granted in 2020, the year cursed by both the old and the new Gods. But if you did, there’s good news! Biden introduced most of his Cabinet and you probably won’t know any of the potential members from reality TV or an english tabloid. Strange times are ahead of us, where competent people are in charge of complicated topics and most won’t even tweet from the bathroom. Talking about Tweets, here are our gems of the day. Please enjoy!
Can’t believe people in their seventies run for office. If I was seventy I wouldn’t even run for my life.
— Patches (@mostly_cheese) November 23, 2020
employee: people say our pizza’s bad. should we make it better?
pizza hut CEO: [grabbing him by the throat] give every store a big red hat
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) November 24, 2020
Yet another night…while my roommate kanoodles with her bf, I wait by the cave opening for the pizza delivery pic.twitter.com/jPsxZYW8F0
— An English Human (@English_Channel) November 22, 2020
“there’s plenty more fish in the sea” bro we’ve ruined the planet, no there aren’t
— Chris(tmas)topher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) November 23, 2020
I feel bad for extroverts during these times. If the tables were turned and I was told I must spend time with people in close contact to survive, I would just inject myself with the virus.
— Uncle Jeff (@PickleRudd) November 23, 2020
My only concern about the vaccine is: arm or butt?
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) November 23, 2020
At this point, fuck it, let's clone some dinosaurs.
— Dire Wolf (@ADDiane) November 23, 2020
“I drink and I know things” is just the millennial “Live, Laugh, Love”
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) November 23, 2020
Every Friday can be Black Friday if you’re depressed enough
— Penguin Online (@OnlinePenguin2) November 23, 2020
You won’t take a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it? Real quick, name all the ingredients in a Pop Tart
— jordan (@jordan_stratton) November 23, 2020