It’s finally and officially Christmas season! A little different this year, mainly because of the constant thrill to accidentally murder one of your older relatives, but who are we to complain? That and the fact of getting constantly penetrated (don’t get your hopes up, we mean your ear) by «Last Christmas» and «All I want for Christmas is you» is a very good reason to invest in alcohol. Both in stock options of producers and from your local supermarket to drink it yourself, which needs your support anyways. It’s basically a win win.
Where were we? Ah, yes. The gems of the day. Enjoy!
When I’m visiting a friend and they say “don’t mind the mess” I think to myself, “I don’t mind, you’re the one living in this filth”
— Jules⚓️ (@julcasagrande) November 28, 2020
Don’t stress out when your kids ask you questions, you can tell them anything, they don’t fucking know
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) November 27, 2020
Date *opens car door for me*
Date: just get out
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 27, 2020
Medusa: [disguising voice on phone] Ohh hello I'd like a hair appointment please, for my totally standard hair
Receptionist: *whispering* omg it's her again
— Ella Zee 🌈👑 (@EllaZee5) November 27, 2020
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 28, 2020
I tell my cat “I know” whenever she meows but I’m gonna be honest, I have no fucking idea
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 26, 2020
writer: it’s basically “Friends” but all the characters are Ross
producer: didn’t everyone hate him
Big Bang Theory producer: let’s make 12 seasons
— eli want for christmas is you (@jazz_inmypants) November 27, 2020
Waiting for packages from Italic like pic.twitter.com/v5RUOg8G4j
— Italic (@italic) November 27, 2020
it's my dream interview at nasa. "how are ur programming skills" they ask. "out of this world" i nervously joke. the walls shake. the interviewer starts convulsing. several engineers run in and write math on me with sharpies. i begin to levitate
— jame (@video_jame) November 25, 2020
I enjoy long, romantic walks by myself away from people.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) November 27, 2020