It’s Saturday, most countries are back to a state of slightly more normal (whatever that means these days), so perhaps you should do the same. Open a bottle of wine or a few beers, depending on your choice of poison. Watch some episodes of your favourite TV show. Call a friend, take a nice stroll in your nearest park after midnight. Of course with your nicest voodoo dolls, to cast a spell which turns everyone who wronged you into an ancient moss-covered tree. After all it’s important to get on with your routine.
That being said, here’s another important routine which you’ll also enjoy: our daily. At least we hope so. Cheers!
“We’re all in this together,” I whisper to my voodoo dolls.
— Obviously Everyone… (@OMGSoOverIt) October 4, 2020
imagine being a bird that just built a nest for its eggs and then you hear some guy who doesn't even lay eggs say "don't put all your eggs in one basket" you'd be like "lay one egg you nestless piece of shit"
— wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) October 9, 2020
you have to take everything in the bible literally except what jesus said about money and rich people, that was added later by “haters”
— Sisyphus did nothing wrong (@InternetHippo) October 2, 2020
time to get spooky pic.twitter.com/COmi151JE3
— rava (@rava) October 9, 2020
pennywise: raaar, i’m terrifying! i can pull anyone down into the sewers!
me: *takes one step to my left*
pennywise: can—can you… *swiping at my pant leg with his arm* I need you to come this way
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) October 10, 2020
Hate when I’m trying to parallel park and there’s a line of cars waiting on the street behind me and I realize I’ve done it all wrong and I have to pull out and drive away as fast as I can to start a new life in a new city
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 9, 2020
We need to take better care of the ocean because terrifying things live down there & if we destroy their home, they are going to come into ours. If you think traffic is bad now, wait until Cthulhu is sitting in the middle of the highway trying to eat a school bus.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) October 9, 2020
I spoke to HR about cutting out the middleman and they said no problem they’ll send my paycheck straight to Amazon
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 9, 2020
A child: what’s that?
Me holding an oreo milkshake: it’s spicy you won’t like it.
— 𝓍𝑜𝓍𝑜 🕊🏹 (@Rlawsonnnn) October 9, 2020
I hate how people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.
— Opiaticus (@opiaticus) October 8, 2020