What a day! Not only the news that Donald Trump and his wife Melania have tested positive for Covid-19 (at least they claim), also GOP operatives Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman were charged with four felony counts for a voter suppression scheme in Michigan! Wow. What would make this day even more crazy? Exactly, the best tweets from today. Please enjoy!
if everyone were legally required to work in a restaurant for one year maybe some of you wouldn’t Act Like That
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) October 1, 2020
dracula: you gotta stop man
me: [turning another vegan into a vampire] lol but they get SO mad
— Spooky Skoog (@Skoog) October 2, 2020
Wow, someone just said, “Looks like RBG has successfully argued her first case before God”… #TrumpHasCovid 🤣
— Cyrus McQueen (@CyrusMMcQueen) October 2, 2020
WTF is a proud boy anyway? That’s the name y’all came up with? That’s what I call my dog when he finds the ball I threw into the bushes.
— Talk to Dr. Will / 💨 (@WCoombsDSW) September 30, 2020
nobody has ever seen a dinosaur ghost which means every dinosaur died happy with no unfinished business 🥰🌈
— Alannibal (@alan_maguire) October 1, 2020
Don’t be afraid of SUCCESS. I was down to my last $100 in my bank account and did I use it to buy food? Pay rent? NO! I INVESTED it and now I have $63.47.
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 1, 2020
Not wearing glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough
— Thomas (@len0killer) October 1, 2020
Our whole lives we hear: Don’t talk about your period. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t talk about infertility. Don’t talk about miscarriage. Don’t talk badly about a pregnancy. Don’t talk about PPD. Don’t talk about anything post-partum except the baby. Only a baby matters. Not you.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 1, 2020
yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. all comes down to who’s the faster cyclist
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) October 1, 2020
villager: ah! it’s frankenstein!
dr. frankenstein: actually, i’m frankenstein. you can call him frankenstein’s-
frankenstein’s monster: *glaring*
dr. frankenstein: frankenstein’s friend
— nate of the living dead (@MNateShyamalan) October 1, 2020