Have you watched the presidential debate last night? If so, tell us your secret: How did you manage not to fall asleep? Maybe, it helped that President Trump had another run into the world of stand-up comedy when he claimed he was «the least racist person in the room». Luckily, we have an exclusive photo of the room he was referring to. Anyway, let’s focus on something more exciting: It’s friday! And since we’re talking about the good stuff: Here is our selection of the day!
i told my therapist i wanna date the type of guy who would paint his nails and she said “let’s start with someone who is nice to you”
— Rachel (@femaleredhead) October 21, 2020
Trump: “I am the LEAST racist person in this room!”
The room: pic.twitter.com/VkVxdmhJjx
— Malik El🧴 (@AshyMalik) October 23, 2020
Whenever another guy is checking out my wife, I like to stare back at him until he notices me, and then mouth the words “help me”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 22, 2020
FRIEND: Weighted blankets are great for anxiety
INTERNET: Weighted blankets are great for anxiety
DOCTORS: Weighted blankets are great for anxiety
ME: [trapped & unable to escape from a weighted blanket] Well, I do feel anxious
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) October 22, 2020
POTUS doesn’t define us as a nation. Regardless of red or blue. Love each other and love each other WELL.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 23, 2020
My biggest source of self-hatred is the fact I will procrastinate for hours on end to avoid literally 15 minutes work, and then wonder where my day went.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) October 23, 2020
My dad always gave me physical & emotional affection. He still can’t say he’s proud of me without tearing up.
I had a male role model who showed me it was natural to show affection, emotion, love. The world would be better if men were comfortable expressing their inner lives.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) October 22, 2020
when you get home from work you have to do all your tasks immediately or you have lost
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) October 22, 2020
my thing about academic language in casual tweets is like why are you talking like that in your free time
— gaynecologist (@finessence_) October 19, 2020
Whitney Houston be like
— Vittorio Angelone (@thatvittorio) October 19, 2020