The last warm days of this year are slowly coming to an end and the cold season begins. Time for tea, evenings by the fireplace, baking cookies and of course carving pumpkins, because Halloween is just around the corner! Are you ready for the night of the ghosts? If not, we offer you the perfect distraction with our Daily!
There is literally no difference between a divorce lawyer and a kindergarten teacher. All we do all day long is coax children into behaving.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 23, 2020
this is actually a very good example of what democracy does not look like https://t.co/cWj9fdKO1Z
— Law Boy, Esq. (@The_Law_Boy) October 24, 2020
My 4yo fell and hit her head playing with her friends at the playground and as we headed to the ER I kept thinking we could’ve avoided this by not going out at all. And then, in between sobs, she said, “I’m sad we left cuz we’re missing all the fun”.
Perspective is everything.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 25, 2020
Lots of people watching the debate seemed not to know that a "coyote" is a guide who helps smuggle migrants across the border.
As ill-informed as Trump is about almost everything, it's worth noting that he is fluent in the language of human trafficking.
— Greg Olear (@gregolear) October 23, 2020
just heard an ad on a podcast from the government that was straight up just telling you to not stand on train tracks because that’s where trains are and one might hit you
— matt (@Lubchansky) October 23, 2020
Me: Do you like my haircut?
8-year-old: Not really.
Me: What's wrong with it?
8: You missed the ones in your nose.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2020
Is it just me or does it feel like 2020 is running out of ideas pic.twitter.com/lPOKVNP6tO
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) October 23, 2020
I miss hanging out with friends and somebody says something like “order me some french frops. I mean french fries” and everybody goes “FRENCH FROPS!!!!!” and then you can’t stop laughing because this bitch said “french frops”
— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) October 25, 2020
My husband has started watching YouTube channels (on our main tv) about bourbon. It’s just guys drinking bourbon and talking about different bourbons and what’s good bourbon and what’s not.
I’ve been divorced once I don’t think he realizes I’ll do it again in a heartbeat.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 25, 2020
We set a record for new coronavirus cases yesterday. 8 months into a pandemic and we’re setting records. Please be careful. Exercise caution. And vote, so we’re not in this pandemic for another 4 years.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) October 24, 2020