Aaaand like the one annoying ex everyone of us has, the summer is back unexpected. One last time to have ice cream at a park, a pack of beers at night with a friend. Or my favourite part, killing a bunch of REALLY big bugs that you’ve never seen before on the balcony. That’s a whole new set of nightmares incoming. You know what? Perhaps just stick with reading our daily. Have fun!
#1:
in my opinion, if I cooked the meal at home, it is healthy
— Gabbi Boyd (@GabbiBoyd) September 11, 2020
#2:
wife: our son came home with a backpack half full of drugs
me: i'll handle it
[later]
son: i'm grounded?!?
me: look son [refilling backpack] you're not moving enough of our product
— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 10, 2020
#3:
What studio executive in the 80s was like “you know what children love? Watching a baby animal try to nudge their dead parent awake.”
— Sarah Marshall (@Remember_Sarah) September 11, 2020
#4:
I asked this dude if he needed “help” in the shower and he said “no I’ve been doing it since I was little” and went and showered by himself
— carol (@venmo4feet) September 11, 2020
#5:
Me: *dressed as a dragon*
Wife: I meant SEXUAL fantasy
Me: *handing her a donkey outfit* ya
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) September 11, 2020
#6:
This owl has decided to be a dog instead and I think that's beautifulpic.twitter.com/7qIEDAls83
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) September 12, 2020
#7:
Scientists Suggest We May Be Nearing the End of "Disc One"
— Nate E-K, Inc.: Mega MicroGame$! (@NEwertKrocker) September 11, 2020
#8:
I always thought it sounded corny when other people said it, but my wedding truly was the happiest day of that weekend
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) September 11, 2020
#9:
Can't wait to see what this cheap wine I'm drinking tweets
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 11, 2020
#10:
“suicide prevention month!!! <3 remember to BE KIND” – girls who stopped being friends w me because sometimes i get kind of weird & sad for multiple months in a row
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) September 11, 2020
