Hi folks! It’s Monday again. Feel free to scream, cry and jump round in panic. It won’t help you, but it gives you a better feeling overall. This can basically serve as a free workout. But don’t kill anyone, unless you have a good reason. While you are waiting for your lawyer, who is in charge to negotiate with the cops, have a look at our gems for today.
I need everyone to understand that millennials don’t have printers at home. Please. I’m so tired of driving to print and scan documents.
— Annalisa Heppner (@Northernsirena) September 11, 2020
Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs
— Jeff is Tall (@JeffisTallguy) September 12, 2020
mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be ""my day"" but actually there will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it
— blackberry please (@ayam__maya) September 11, 2020
me in 2004 me in 2020
I want to try kissing
but I am scared
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) September 12, 2020
the fact that a baby’s passport is normal sized is baffling to me. that passport should be tiny
— Beth McColl (@imteddybless) September 13, 2020
Right now is so weird because it’s the apocalypse but you can get Starbucks.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) September 13, 2020
A student signed their email “pandemically.” Glad to see they are coping with some email salutation humor.
— Dr. Jen Murray (@DrJen_Murray) September 10, 2020
Only now realizing how disaster movies have neglected “depression” as a factor in the apocalypse
— Michelle Dean (@michelledean) September 11, 2020
If you’re on the west coast under satan’s blanket of smoke and are starting to go extra extra bonkers because not only can you not go out because of the pandemic but also because of the smoke, and also you can’t work out, and also it’s been dark for 96 hours: yes.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) September 12, 2020
Me: [finally gets eight hours of sleep]
My neck: yeah but u did it wrong lol
— Devin 🍞🥪 (@papasuncle) September 13, 2020