Imagine being a baby koala. All you have to do is look cute and do adorable things, so people love you. Basically the opposite of what Trump is doing everyday, but you got to admit: He’s great at that. Probably the only person in the world, that could make said baby koala look ugly while holding it. And that’s just a random rant, because the sun is shining, no new murder animals were detected the last few weeks and even the tweets are great again today. So please have fun!
My friend texted me that socks are just portable feet carpets, and I have no idea what the fuck to do with this.
— 💥Katt💥 (@FirecrackerKatt) September 15, 2020
“Everybody say cheese!”
“Go fuck yourself, Dave.”
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) September 15, 2020
Always remember that your actions affect other people. Like if my husband keeps telling me it's not that hard to lose 30 pounds, my daughter will need to get me out of jail and that's not fair to her.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) September 14, 2020
life insurance is cool because for a small monthly fee you can be worth more dead than alive. and your family knows it.
— Dad That Writes ☕ (@dadthatwrites) September 14, 2020
i will never scuba dive. what fish do down there is none of my business.
— b (@doyalikebaileys) September 14, 2020
[me fumbling in the dark trying to plug in iphone] is this how men feel
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) September 14, 2020
She was rare, like a teenager that replaces the toilet paper roll.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) September 14, 2020
can u believe that 6 months ago we just let random people breathe on us
— 𝚗𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚟𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚝𝚎 (@NapVeg) September 14, 2020
Not to be political, but the people who refuse to wear masks are definitely the ones who’d be easiest to lure into the catacombs with the promise of a rare wine only to be surprised when you entomb them alive.
— Julia Gulia 🌈 (@JRobb773) September 14, 2020
*aliens sifting through the remains of our society*
Alien 1: It looks like they had decades of warning about their climate
Alien 2: And they still didn't do anything? What could've possibly been more impor-
Alien 3 enters with 8 Spider-Man movies on DVD: check this shit out
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) September 14, 2020