Thank God it’s weekend. Finally out of the daily hamster weel and instead of going to bed at 9, you can go to bed at 10 while being slightly tipsy. Talking about daily, here’s ours. We hope you enjoy it!
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volume: ▁ 5%
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volume: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%
— tom (@pilau) September 24, 2020
[watching a fish follow my finger] haha u are such a simple creature. entertained by the most basic thing– wait
— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) September 24, 2020
me: i‘m glad we’re doing more stuff together 🙂
soldier wheeling our horse into troy: who keeps saying that?
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) September 25, 2020
most sharks don't have vocal chords, which means they can't do karaoke, but they still like to be invited
— nicky the soup shark (@mostlysharks) September 25, 2020
Me: Search this area for coffee shops
Google Maps: Ok I searched the entire eastern seaboard that’s what you wanted right?
Me: No just this area
Google Maps: Huh?
Me: Just search for coffee shops in this area
Google Maps: Here’s your house did you want to see your house?
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) September 24, 2020
organic food companies: u want us to do nothing to the food? that's gonna cost extra 🙂
— chuuch (@ch000ch) September 25, 2020
you can't drink red wine with fish because (say it quickly) how would they hold the glass with their little fins?
— john (@mrjohndarby) September 24, 2020
There's an Old English word, "uhtceare", that means the worried feeling you get when you wake too early, just before dawn, and can't get back to sleep because you're anxiously thinking about things to come, and it's a strong contender for the whole ~vibe~ of 2020
— Ciara | Ciaraíoch 🎨 (@Ciaraioch) September 24, 2020
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m ranting and someone interrupts me with rationale.
— OMG, Becky! (@thehubrispanda) September 24, 2020
me [yelling from other room]: PLEASE TELL ME THEY DIDN’T FORGET THE RED PEPPER FLAKES AGAIN
porn director: omg cut
— Swim Jeans👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit) September 24, 2020