It’s Saturday, it’s rainy, it’s getting colder and darker. In short, spooky season just started. What better time is there to get cozy at home and having a hot chocolate, after summoning a dark being from the shadow realm in your local forest. And before you start ruling mankind together for all eternity, perhaps have a look at our Daily to reconsider which humans you’ll spare. Have fun!
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) September 25, 2020
I guess I’m just waiting for the right celebrity to tell me to vote
— jo (@WhaJoTalkinBout) September 25, 2020
so sick of dudes on tinder being like “i love being outside and I love plants” like, congrats. ur an insect
— Saddington 2 ✈️🥺 (@2Saddington) September 25, 2020
Fries should be offered more often like yes your mortgage is approved would you like fries with that?
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) September 25, 2020
Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used.
— Anosognosiogenesis (@pookleblinky) September 25, 2020
No wonder chickens can’t fly
STOP EATING THEIR WINGS
— 🧡~Max~🧡 (@maxi_tea) September 25, 2020
“Critical thinker” in your bio apparently just means you don’t listen to doctors or scientists
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) September 25, 2020
D’you guys wanna join my gang we just curl up in little balls and try to ignore reality and drink too much
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) September 22, 2020
wife: I don't know who to shoot
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) September 25, 2020
I stand by a lot of the things I said as a toddler
— Jen_A_Palooza (@Ten_Toes_7) September 25, 2020