So it’s Saturday again and of course, with less restrictions, you could go out, meet old friends or (god forbid) new people, but let’s be honest: Why bother? It’s getting darker every day, not to mention colder, everything you need is inside. A couch, a bottle of wine, Netflix and most importantly our Daily. People are overrated, if you wanna talk to someone about your feelings get a dog. So have fun and think about visiting your local shelter!
I Know What You Did Last Summer, but it was just us getting fat and sad
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) September 5, 2020
bartender: what will it be
me: crippling anxiety
bartender: ah, the usual
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) September 5, 2020
vampire knocking on my door: let me in
me: ok so i've been super depressed ever since my dad died
— hype (@TheHyyyype) September 5, 2020
No, I'm not wearing lipgloss, I've just been eating salami.
— Hurricane Warning🐞 (@toomanycommas3) September 4, 2020
Dragonfruit is the most disappointing fruit of all. It had so much potential. It could have been so flavorful but no. It tastes like a glass of water that thought really hard about becoming a kiwi. It's the LaCroix of fruit.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) September 4, 2020
my bf told me when he was 17 he worked in a posh hotel and at breakfast some bloke asked him “is this crème fraîche?” and he replied “yeah we don’t serve out of date food” and I can’t stop thinking about it
— lilyanna (@lilyannatrnr) September 2, 2020
been working from home so long and miss interaction that i've started calling the spider building a web in the corner my coworker. occasionally i'll look up at him and ask if he's finished with the expense reports and then i laugh and laugh as a single tear rolls down my cheek
— Rob Actually 🏳️🌈 (@RobbyActually) September 4, 2020
My son's friend at daycare just shared that he prefers food you eat with a fork because "it's the only time you get to stab things." Don't expect a sleepover invitation any time soon, James.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 4, 2020
Hypocrisy is cool actually. I love having one standard for myself and a less favorable one for the people I don’t like. It’s not illegal and you can’t stop me
— internet h*ppo (@InternetHippo) September 2, 2020
[ first date ]
me: i’d like to see you again
chameleon: oh sorry
me: there you are
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) September 3, 2020