a 3 y/o asked if i was an adult yesterday, when i said “yes” he goes “why?” and honestly i don’t have a good answer for it. why am i an adult?? i could be anything?!!

Best of Twitter from February 19, 2020

There are so many wonderful poets and thinkers. People who processed their feelings in verse and played poetically with words. We wanted to try our luck at the high art of poetry. The result is, …

I have never been to New Orleans but if I get to see Chihuahuas in parade as a princess, I am buying the first ticket to New Orleans! On that note enjoy our daily and please don't be that person to mix oreos and mustard together 🤢!

Best of Twitter from February 18, 2020

I have never been to New Orleans but if I get to see Chihuahuas in a parade as a princess, I am buying the first ticket to New Orleans! On that note enjoy our daily …

escape room employee: would you like a hint? me: hmm this door says PUSH which likely stands for Pull Until Secrets Happen

Best of Twitter from February 17, 2020

Right before we dive into our gems of the day, let us not forget, that Monday is not our friend. It is sinister, evil and comes straight from the depths of hell. Good news is, …

Picard and Last Jedi are both about older men trying to make up for past mistakes after JJ Abrams blew up a planet.

Best of Twitter from February 16, 2020

Recently at the conference center. „Hey, guys! Nice to see you! Has everyone had a good week? No? Wonderful! Welcome to our daily humor seminar. My name is Karen, I am your coach and today …

Best of Twitter from February 15, 2020

Did everyone survive Valentine’s Day? Anyone missing? We have a very strict „no person left behind“ policy when it comes to our Readers. No one? Awesome! So it’s saturday, time to read a book, order …

I don't know about you guys but it is Friday and I am going drinking. Of course, I will drink responsibility, that's why I'm taking an Uber. But the best part of the night is coming home to leftovers Chinese food, not celery sticks. That would immediately bring back the problems I tried drinking away in the first place. On that note happy Friday and enjoy today's daily!

Best of Twitter from February 14, 2020

I don’t know about you guys but it is Friday and I am going drinking. Of course, I will drink responsibly, that’s why I’m taking an Uber. But the best part of the night is …

nobody: people from ny: i live in new yawk. i have three roommates. two of dem are rats. we eat pizza fawh dinnuh every night. de rent? 4000 dollars a SECOND

Best of Twitter from February 13, 2020

Less than 24 hours to Valentine’s Day, this is not a drill, friends. I repeat, not a drill! If you don’t have a date yet, just be aware that the animal shelters won’t hand out …

Me: I don’t like scones. British Friend: Ah mate you just haven’t had them the proper way. Me: What do you mean? British Friend: You need some good jam, a scoop of clotted cream, have some tea and take sips in between bit- Me: I dont think you like scones either.

Best of Twitter from February 12, 2020

If you have been on the road in Germany or England in the last two days, you have surely noticed the small gusts of hurricane Chiara. This storm raged through Central Europe in the last …

Even though it is not Valentine's Day yet, we thought it would be a good idea to give a little bit of advice. First subtitles must always be on. I heard not having subtitles on while watching your movie or show can ruin your relationship. If you think we're kidding, then check out our daily from today. One last thing, we do not recommend you wake up Friday morning sending your beloved one an essay long text on how handsome he/she is. Still don't believe us? Then check out what our top 10 Tweets from Today has to say about that.

Best of Twitter from February 11, 2020

Even though it is not Valentine’s Day yet, we thought it would be a good idea to give a little bit of advice. First subtitles must always be on. I heard not having subtitles on …

How many Oreos should a person eat in one sitting? Please tell me it’s 20

Best of Twitter from February 10, 2020

Can we have a moment of silence please? Dear Weekend, you’ve passed away too soon. It feels like yesterday, when we were chilling in our beds thinkin‘ about which delivery service to choose from and …

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