Shout out to all curvy girls: Don't be afraid to get on top.... If he dies, he dies.

Best of Twitter from January 14, 2020

Coffee without cups, dancing sticks and a message from the postman. The usual madness of a day on Twitter. We’ve packed for you the 10 best Tweets of the day, so you can keep enjoying …

I had to buy a pregnancy test once and the cashier excitingly was like “omg!! what are you hoping for??” and I awkwardly was like... “uhh a negative..” and she looked so stunned and embarrassed and honestly she should have because DONT DO THAT.

Best of Twitter from January 13, 2020

Hickory dickory dock, it’s almost beer o’clock! Hell yes, today is the least favourite day of the week. To make things even worse, it’s Monday the 13th. We are 100 percent sure that even Jason …

the bachelor is a bad show but if they made a friendship version where a dude hangs out with 20 different guys to pick a new best bud holy shit I would watch it every single day

Best of Twitter from January 12, 2020

The news: William and Kate become parents for the fourth time this summer, Iran confesses to the shooting down of the Ukrainian passenger plane and the fire in Australia continues to rage. Now to the …

me: i saw our son smoking drugs wife: talk to him [later] me: your mother would like some drugs

Best of Twitter from January 11, 2020

It’s finally the weekend everyone, so time for some bad decisions, a few too many beers and regrets the next morning. Talking about regrets, you still found your way back to our little page, so …

We don't normally celebrate that time of the month but what we do celebrate is that time of the day. Thats right, you guessed it. Here is our top ten daily Tweets of the day!

Best of Twitter from January 10, 2020

We don’t normally celebrate that time of the month but what we do celebrate is that time of the day. Thats right, you guessed it. Here is our top ten daily Tweets of the day!

[trying to impress fiancée's entire family at dinner] waiter: here's the check whenever you're ready- me: oh i'll get it! [reads bill and spits out wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!?

Best of Twitter from January 9, 2020

Humanity should be the motto for this year 2020. We are making a great effort today with our Daily to support this. We have a good portion of humanity, kindness and sympathy for you today. …

So I watched Ricky Gervais’ Golden Globes opener. 1. If you’re going to roast people, don’t spend half the roast congratulating yourself for doing it. 2. When you’re a rich comedian with a Netflix deal, you’re not the Radical Truth Teller In A Room Full Of Showbiz Phonies.

Best of Twitter from January 8, 2020

Today we have the full range for you. Who the best soldiers are, what it looks like when a platoon plays Hansel and Gretel, a film review and something to think about. By the way: …

interviewer: your resume says you lose focus easily me: yes interviewer: yes what me: yes please

Best of Twitter from January 7, 2020

Australia is on fire. 30 people died in Nigeria due to a bomb explosion. Trump has authorized the killing of an Iranian general and the Twitter community is predicting World War III. It was a …

Husband: Did you eat all the cookies? Me: I need insulation for the winter. Husband: We live in Los Angeles. Me: Well, just in case we go somewhere cold.

Best of Twitter from January 5, 2020

Today is the first Sunday of the new year so let’s relax a little bit. This time we got some sad Happy Meals, an exciting offer for sale and the pure joy of having kids. …