Never forget when I lived in Florida, I was talking to this guy and found out he had a gf. I found her insta, messaged her, we met up, took a selfie and posted it to fuck w him. He screenshotted the selfie and posted it on his insta and said “both my girls lookin good for real”

Best of Twitter from February 27, 2020

Let’s play a little game! I see something you don’t. I see something blue with feathers. That’s right. The Twitter bird! And underneath I see something humorous, 10 at a time! Right again! The top …

There is nothing more satisfying than having a dish you use and do not have to clean after. If you get happy by that, which I do, you are most likely in your 30's. It's like hitting the lottery with that one dish. One dish down 30 more to go. But for those of you cleaning your dishes while reading this, here are our Top 10 Tweets Tweets from Today to help get you by.

Best of Twitter from February 25, 2020

There is nothing more satisfying than having a dish you use and do not have to clean after. If you get happy by that, which I do, you are most likely in your 30’s. It’s …

During my research I interviewed a guy who said he was a libertarian until he did MDMA and realized that other people have feelings, and that was pretty much the best summary of libertarianism I've ever heard

Best of Twitter from February 24, 2020

IT-Guys will agree. Most problems can be solved by turning things off and on again. Unfortunately this doesn’t work with mondays or weekdays in general. And even if it would, you had to face your …

Wife: What movie do you want to watch tonight? Me: Whatever will keep you awake past the opening credits. Wife: That movie doesn't exist.

Best of Twitter from February 23, 2020

When was your last vacation? If we could read your minds, many of you would probably claim “Far too long ago”. Except for the few lucky people who are reading this while being at the …

Best of Twitter from February 22, 2020

It’s saturday again, so naturally that means date night and I hope we all will have a splendid time. May our date* be stunning, the waiters** be thoughtful and the goodnight kiss*** be like a …

It's Friday and I think everyone knows what that means. No, I don't mean the weekend, and even though that is correct, right now it is wrong. It is time to enjoy, laugh, cry, and even pee yourself a little with our Top 10 Tweets from Today.

Best of Twitter from February 21, 2020

It’s Friday and I think everyone knows what that means. No, I don’t mean the weekend, and even though that is correct, right now it is wrong. It is time to enjoy, laugh, cry, and …

Her: the liberty bell is an icon of the American institution Me: it's broken Her: yes Me: did it ever work? Her: no why do you ask

Best of Twitter from February 20, 2020

Do you know what day it is? A wonderful one! The USA are celebrating the Love-Your-Pet-Day today! A great opportunity to justify doubling down on the treats

a 3 y/o asked if i was an adult yesterday, when i said “yes” he goes “why?” and honestly i don’t have a good answer for it. why am i an adult?? i could be anything?!!

Best of Twitter from February 19, 2020

There are so many wonderful poets and thinkers. People who processed their feelings in verse and played poetically with words. We wanted to try our luck at the high art of poetry. The result is, …

I have never been to New Orleans but if I get to see Chihuahuas in parade as a princess, I am buying the first ticket to New Orleans! On that note enjoy our daily and please don't be that person to mix oreos and mustard together 🤢!

Best of Twitter from February 18, 2020

I have never been to New Orleans but if I get to see Chihuahuas in a parade as a princess, I am buying the first ticket to New Orleans! On that note enjoy our daily …

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