Children are refreshingly honest. No matter if it’s about telling mum that she has bad breath, making mum or dad look embarrassing to strangers or mercilessly exposing the little white lies of parents. Being parents means a lot of strength, sweat, tears and now and then a Dino patch for the scratches. To all parents out there, you’re superheroes. Every day anew. We know that you perform at your best every day and that you often wonder why the hell you are doing all this in the first place. Therefore, we have put together an 18-part gallery of fellow sufferers for you today.
7yo son: May I have some water?
Me: What are the magic words?
7yo son: I can get it myself.
Me: There you go.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) January 6, 2020
Me: *finally taking down the old backyard playset that is warped and faded from the sun, splintered, and covered in spiderwebs and wasp nests*
My Pre-Tween Kids, playing games on their iPads: NOOOOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE LOVE OUR PLAYSET MOM STOP!!
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) January 2, 2020
Daughter: Daddy, can I have breakfast?
Me: *puts up hand* Talk to the hand.
Daughter: *into my hand like she’s ordering at a drive thru* I’d like some pancakes.
— Prime Nate (@GorillaNipples1) August 24, 2019
me: I don’t think it’s the right time for us to have kids.
wife: I agree and I hope you don’t take it personally.
me: sshhh. go now and be free.
— ⚠️maxx⚠️ (@climaxximus) December 3, 2019
the best thing about babies is they have no idea what’s going on. i was holding my baby and trying to eat but i dropped a little piece of lasagna on her and didn’t have a free hand to wipe it off so i just leaned over and ate it off her head. she has no clue what i did
— dj pop a titty out (@cuntyspice_) December 17, 2019
Parents on first day back to school like… pic.twitter.com/eQqpwnKYzX
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) January 6, 2020
Toddler: I want toast
Me to husband: I don’t want to give her toast
Husband: just tell her she already ate it
Me: you already ate your toast
Toddler: *eyes narrow*
Husband: you said it was yummy
Toddler: *walks away*
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) October 7, 2019
7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?"
7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) November 20, 2015
7yo: Can I tell you something?
Me: You can tell me anything, sweetie.
7yo: Your breath smells.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 19, 2019
'Cheer Dad' is his 15-year-old daughter's biggest cheerleader… literally. pic.twitter.com/z8BSYBcroF
— The Dad (@thedad) November 11, 2019
My 8yo was putting sunscreen on my back and said “it feels like I’m rubbing a pig”, in case anyone wonders why I’m drunk later.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) June 2, 2018
Tonight our 5yo shouted:
“It’s mama’s BIRTHDAY!”
I went with it.
Amid clouds of flour we soon had a cake in the oven
“Elmo” party decor got hung, and as my wife got home we jumped out:
No, it’s not her birthday
But Mama’s ALWAYS worth celebrating.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 10, 2020
Me: what do you want the kids to call you?
Me: you know you can pick literally anything right?
Mom: Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
Dad: Bruce Wayne.
Me: [sigh] grandma and grandad it is.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 17, 2019
what really happened vs. how a toddler tells you what happened. https://t.co/oKU4go067L
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 13, 2020
My toddler was eating a chocolate chip granola bar
He pooped in his diaper and I took him to the change table as he held onto the bar
While changing him, I noticed a dark piece of chocolate on the table
I picked it up and ate it
It was not chocolate
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) January 21, 2020
toddler: mom you like to eat booty?
lady: *weird look*
me: oh… no like just as a snack
lady: *walking away*
me: pirate’s booty, it’s a snack!
toddler: my mom likes to eat butt
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) October 24, 2019
My daughter loves the things she is learning in grade 2, & she woke me up this morning by whispering "I have more bones than you" directly into my ear, so I'm pretty psyched to be raising an extremely powerful science witch
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 20, 2019
Seems legit. 🤷🏻♂️ pic.twitter.com/T46RhqyVQb
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) January 10, 2020