What’s more fun than a first date, apart from being set on fire alive or sitting tied up on an ant nest? Right, watching a first date, because the Titanic movie was proof that everyone likes experiencing natural disasters while not being affected but sitting in the front row. And the premium class is following a first date live on Twitter. Yes, you read right, we proudly present today’s special: first date Twitter edition. Enjoy!
#1:
Just sat down for breakfast and I think the couple next to me is on a first date, gonna live Tweet it
— πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#2:
Ok its definitely a first date, polite conversation, discussing music. The guys name is Mike and I think the girls name is Jamps but that probably isn’t right.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#3:
Looks like Jamps got an omelet. Man it looks dope. They are laughing about something. I wonder what Mike is drinking, I hope it isn’t coffee bc then he might have to go do an absolute paint job in the bathroom.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#4:
They started talking quietly now. I had to scoot closer to hear. «What the hell is that guys problem?» Mike says. Perhaps they’re talking about a musician making a faux pas. I lean in closer to hear.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#5:
«Sir can you not harass the other guests plz» the waiter says. «IM TWEETING THIS I NEED THE ATTENTION OK» I calmly tell him. I demand more water and shoo him away so I can listen back in.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#6:
Jamps says something about a dude with goofy Buddy Holly glasses, wow just like mine! Perhaps they are talking about Weezer. I can smell Mike’s neck, he smells great.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#7:
«Hey you purple haired freak, can you back the fuck up?» Mike says. This isn’t good, he shouldn’t be so easily distracted, especially on a first date. «It looks like he is Tweeting» Jamps says. Now they are both distracted. Doesn’t bode well for their love.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#8:
The waiter brings my water. «Are you going to actually order anything? Bc if not you’re going to have to leave.» «I ORDER YOU TO BEGONE FROM ME» I politely posit. Mike and Jamps are talking really quietly now. I will have to lean in even closer.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#9:
«Can we get a different table please?» Jamps asks the waiter. I wonder what the issue is. Maybe she is partial to western light. They both seem uncomfortable now. Hopefully Mike didn’t put his foot in his mouth. Looks like he has on Nikes.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#10:
I was forcibly removed from the restaurant, now I am sitting in a heap by the front door. I’ll never have closure about Mike and Jamps now. I hope they went to mash their genitals together. I lay there for an hour, a disheveled husk of the man I was.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#11:
Mike and Jamps are leaving now. «Ew its that weirdo guy who kept tweeting about us.» Jamps says. Mike chimes in, «yeah what an absolute freak, Im glad they finally kicked him out.» Omg they aren’t talking about the date or omelets or Weezer. What a disaster.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#12:
I reach out to touch Mike’s shoes and Jamps immediately screams and pepper sprays me.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#13:
Suddenly Mike declares «BECAUSE OF THIS FOUL STRANGE TWEET BOY WE ARE NOW BONDED» Jamps then adds «IN THAT OUR SOULS ARE BONDED, SO TOO MUST OUR BODIES! LET US DEPART SO THAT WE CAN TOTALLY FUUUUCK»
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#14:
Sounds like the date went ok after all. I live out the rest of my days crumpled on the side of this restaurant like some sort of macabre decor.
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
#15:
β πππ©π¨πππ (@SandwichGhoul) July 15, 2021
