Back then in our initial period, Dad called us Best of Twitter. And today we want to honour this name and fulfill our duty. It’s the reason we’re still alive. It’s the reason we laugh. It is the reason that our editorial office exists. Yeah, I’m talking about Twitter. This post is a tribute to the site that has already brought us so much joy, made us cry and yes, damned us, with which we earn our money. We have for you today: 12 great tweets about the mother of all laughter — Twitter!
Why don't you ever retweet me?
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) January 5, 2020
Wife: we need to talk about your ridiculous obsession with Twitter
Me: how do u spell obses-
Wife: don't you fucking tweet this
— Quilliam (@nyquills) January 18, 2020
Twitter time is like dog years except unlike dogs, tweets don’t get unconditional love and they’re not all good boys
— pilau (@FU_TangClan) January 12, 2020
[creating twitter account]
TWITTER: ok what’s ur name
TWITTER: well hello there Eli we’re gonna call u Eli7820991 unless u can somehow come up with a better name also just a heads up if u are lucky enough to gain some followers here, it will consume ur life. have fun!
— eli needs to focus on work for a few days (@jazz_inmypants) January 19, 2020
Don't drink and Tweet
— Twitter (@Twitter) January 11, 2020
My worst fear on this site is that I accidentally like a post from a bad person, and instead of informing me, some unemployed 22 year old decides to call me out while I'm probably on the toilet or some shit
— Mlick (@Mlickles) January 11, 2020
Me: I made a tweet!
My brain: did anybody press the Button
Me: many people pressed the Button
Brain: excellent. you may now have 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝓂𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓈
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) September 12, 2019
Those who can have sex, do.
Those who cannot, tweet.
— que cera sarah 🤷 (@dooz_er) January 8, 2020
Twitter, the most fun you can have on a toilet
— Leggy Pain 🇨🇦 (@coffeeandvinyl1) January 6, 2020
Twitter is great if you can’t afford therapy but you also don’t want to get any better.
— Michael, the Man Who Tweets 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) June 15, 2019
no one on this fucking website knows what “manic” means and i think that’s beautiful
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) November 30, 2019
does anyone on this website know what it’s like to be in love
— James (@CaucasianJames) December 1, 2019