Of course, you must do christmas shopping. Of course you must decorate the house. Of course you must plan new years eve, of course you have much to do. But take a little time of relaxation and enjoy our weekly top ten Tweets.
#1:
2yo: Jam on toast!
Me: We don’t have any jam, only honey
2: Jam on toast!
Me: We only have honey, I’m afraid
2: Jam on toast!
Me: We don’t have any jam
10yo: Yes we do, we have “bee jam”!
2: Yay!
Me: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 [I swear our 10 year old is a better parent than me sometimes]
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 9, 2019
#2:
Anyone else ever load the washer, pour in the detergent and come back 40 minutes later to discover they never actually turned it on?
Just me, cool cool.
— Momtribevibe 🎄🌲🎄 (@momtribevibe) December 12, 2019
#3:
My kid was having a tantrum and walked right into my fart, and then fell backwards into a bush. This is the second best day of my life.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 9, 2019
#4:
me peeking to see if my boyfriend has noticed me pouting yet pic.twitter.com/5jc6PTZzbQ
— lucy,, (@curledbitch) December 10, 2019
#5:
me: i worked retail for five years
interviewer: did u learn anything
me: people are awful and deserve nothing
interviewer: how will that help us at spirit airlines
me: haha are u joking
interviewer: lmao yeah no ur hired
— randy (@leakypod) December 12, 2019
#6:
i thought i liked seeing movies but turns out i like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me
— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) December 11, 2019
#7:
I got my nose hair waxed for the first time …. spoiler alert I started crying ….. you women crazy af pic.twitter.com/UrsPgeeuwu
— me (@ksea43) December 6, 2019
#8:
coworker: you’re 37? you look younger
me: i let a demon possess me in exchange for external youth
coworker: ha ha *leaves*
demon inside me: you gotta stop saying that someone’s gonna believe you
me: meh. i’m going to the break room for a donut
demon: ooo get a maple bar
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) December 8, 2019
#9:
Me: I’ll take $50 bucks on pump 1 please
Bartender: get your mouth off the keg sir
— Ol' Milkbag Roberts (@c12h22o11balls) December 11, 2019
#10:
It’s sad we need these signs. pic.twitter.com/qI68TNy0F1
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) December 12, 2019
