We came, we saw, we laugh! We proudly present: The 10 best Tweets of this week!
#1:
FRIEND: *miming finger guns*
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) November 10, 2019
ME: *miming getting shot, crawling to safety, using crude implements and whiskey to perform self-surgery, successfully removing the bullet, passing out*
FRIEND: I forgot you do that
#2:
her: what do you want?
— Funk doctor (@FU_TangClan) November 14, 2019
me: to pay for my sins
her: this is a McDonald's drive thru
me: I mean to pay for my McSins
#3:
FATHER FLY: 2 things u need to know
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) November 14, 2019
BABY FLY: ok
FATHER FLY: we live for 24 hours
BABY FLY: oh
FATHER FLY: and u eat shit until then
BABY FLY: do u think maybe if we didn’t eat shit we could live longer?… dad? dad wake up
#4:
What could go wrong if we burn 3 tons of marijuana? pic.twitter.com/0dAWNfeJ1r
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 14, 2019
#5:
me: sir Benadryl Cumbersnatch is here for you
— Funk doctor (@FU_TangClan) October 8, 2019
spielberg: who
me: Bendydick Cuminsplats
Spielberg: who
me: uhhh Badonkadonk Kumbaya
Spielberg: do you mean Benedict Cumberbatch?
[door bursts open]
Badonkadonk Kumbaya: NO HE DOES NOT
#6:
[rewatching my life]
— randy (@leakypod) November 14, 2019
god: omg this is my favorite part. this waiter asks how the food was and u say “i’m doing okay”
me:
god: haha cause he didn’t ask how u were. he asked how the food was lol
#7:
i don’t know who needs to hear this but u don’t love disney u just haven’t been happy since u were 11
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) November 14, 2019
#8:
The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at 4am is realising some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) November 15, 2019
#9:
They look like the evil couple in a Disney Channel movie who tries to kidnap a dog pop star https://t.co/9I2SkgBZNj
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 6, 2019
#10:
him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) November 12, 2019
me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news
