Winter is coming. Stay warm with laughing about the top ten of the week.
me: I feel personally attacked— Funk doctor (@FU_TangClan) November 20, 2019
Married life is waking up early to preheat your wife’s car. Then taking $10 out her purse as a tip for your services.— Whiskey Enthusiast🥃 (@Chance2k11) November 19, 2019
Who said kids today don’t have any imagination. 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/UaychUdMo4— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 20, 2019
Me: hi welcome to Staples— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) November 19, 2019
Customer: I’m looking for a notebook
Me: oh man good luck maybe u should go to Notebooks next time
Manager: *hurrying over* what were u looking for sir?
Customer: just some notebooks
Manager: *pointing to his staples shirt* can u fucking read
If an employer ever says “We’re like a family here” what they mean is they’re going to ruin you psychologically— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) November 18, 2019
me: not today Satan— Funk doctor (@FU_TangClan) November 17, 2019
me: no I’ve got Pilates
Satan: *sweating* day after?
me: look I’ll call you ok? I’ve got to go
That sounds painful. pic.twitter.com/quVKO96RU7— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) November 18, 2019
Me: can you take off the corset? I can’t breathe— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) November 22, 2019
Him: well if you’d stop laughing for one second you will admit it looks great on me
7yo: Can I tell you something?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 19, 2019
Me: You can tell me anything, sweetie.
7yo: Your breath smells.
Good morning, Twitter 😊 pic.twitter.com/oJ693y2lgW— Schadenfreudelish (@aggierican) November 21, 2019