Whether single or taken, we all know it: those little moments in a relationship where you just want to kiss or kill your partner. So that the second doesn’t happen with you, we’ve collected some anecdotes about relationships here, with which you can (perhaps also together) have fun!
911: what's your emergency
me: i think a girl gave me a fake number
911: omg who answered when you called it
me: you did
— Terry F (@daemonic3) August 14, 2019
My husband pissed me off so when he wasn't looking I poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 12, 2019
I *just* remembered that a boy I dated in college had another girl’s shirt in his bedroom and told me it must’ve been left in the communal dryer and got mixed up with his laundry and I didn’t really question it until now and
…was…was I cheated on
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) November 22, 2019
When I find a cute, funny guy who shows the slightest interest in me: pic.twitter.com/OUjTwFJ8v0
— Buffaluffagus 🙈 (@MissSassy_Pants) November 20, 2019
My husband is out of surgery and in recovery. What was the first thing my drug induced sweetheart said to me? That he loved me? That I was beautiful? That he missed me?
Mashed potatoes. That’s what he said. Mashed potatoes. Get me some mashed potatoes.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 26, 2019
Him: bite me
Her: eat shit
Priest: *clears throat* i now pronounce you man and wife
— gnarly claw (@RedRegenerated) December 4, 2019
Married life is waking up early to preheat your wife’s car. Then taking $10 out her purse as a tip for your services.
— Whiskey Enthusiast🥃 (@Chance2k11) November 19, 2019
Wife: Where are you
Me: The store
W: Don't lie to me
W: I saw the internet history
M: *hangs up* pic.twitter.com/CbhMqKVGkq
— Steezus Christ (@hardlyrelevant) May 25, 2016
11 years ago, I was texting a dude I'd hooked up with a few times as I got ready for thanksgiving back in my hometown. "I forget, what's your town called again?" He asked. I told him. One EIGHT HOUR DRIVE later he appeared at my doorstep.
WHAT A DUMBASS.
Anyway we're married.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) November 27, 2019
me: is it ok if i stay up late and play video games
wife: don't ask me
me: *turning to the left* is it ok if i sta-
my wife's boyfriend: shut the fuck up
— 16-bit bulbasaur (@16bitbulbasaur) November 9, 2019
if i walk into a girls house and she got like 50 plants i know shes a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless fucks whats one more
— mr whelming🔜 naughty list 🎄 (@ZOverwhelming) November 27, 2019