Everyone needs a little sarcasm in their life. Here are 10 sarcastic Tweets.
me: hurt me
him: your math skills suck and your grandmother rolls over in her grave watching you try to make kimchi.
me: too far, Ling. too fucking far.
— ℳ (@Love_bug1016) December 20, 2019
i was feeling sad late at night but then i realized i could just.. go to bed ??? did y'all know about this
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) December 17, 2019
girls are always talking down on men for nutting fast but the second i laugh when that coochie starts farting and sounding like a M1919 Browning .30 caliber medium machine gun it's always me that's the 'bad guy'
— reverend bill (@BillRatchet) December 23, 2019
me: I wonder why I can’t fall asleep
google: looking at screens messes up your sleep cycle
me, with my phone, laptop, and iPad in bed: I guess I did drink a coffee at noon
— Dylan Hafer (@thedylanhafer) November 12, 2019
I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call
— Caitlin (@caithuls) December 18, 2019
I can’t stop thinking about the guy who texted me the day my grandma died and I told him I couldn’t function for obvious reasons, he said he knew how to cheer me up and then proceeded to send me a video of him sucking his own dick lmaoooooo
— Y (@yasminexissa) December 21, 2019
got upset with my boyfriend bc he has seen my arsehole but i have never seen his. asked him to bend over for me just once and he said no. all men are selfish
— kb (@uncooljerk) December 20, 2019
ladies u gotta quit shaming men for having average dicks, we be fucking like we got EVERYTHING to lose
— reverend bill (@BillRatchet) December 25, 2019
sorry I’m late! I was at home sitting down
— JuanPa (@jpbrammer) August 20, 2019
i don't want to "do things" or "take care of myself" i want to "sit very still" and "eat noodles"
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) December 10, 2019