Our last special was about marriage, so today let’s talk about something completely different and unrelated: Sex. You heard right, we’re going full R-rated today and present you the results of long research hours. (That counts as having sex, right?) Enjoy!
[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) July 25, 2015
Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) January 29, 2014
*pokes sex life with a stick
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 3, 2014
accidentally sending 😉 instead of 🙂 and feeling like you’ve just offered them your body
— 50 Shades of Awkward (@OhWowThatsAwk) September 9, 2013
Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your mom was eating that banana.
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) January 7, 2013
that awkward moment when they think you're sexting, but really you're just describing the cake you're eating
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 14, 2015
hate when people say "if u think this is better than sex, u haven't had good sex!", like no, maybe you've just never had good lasagna, Carol
— Audrey Porne (@AudreyPorne) August 4, 2017
Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba
— good person who is good (@SortaBad) August 5, 2014
[undoes GFs bra first time]
"wow have you been practicing?"
don't be ridiculous
[me and dog exchange glances]
— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) May 17, 2015
[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex]
Her: faster! faster!
Me: oh god no
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) October 23, 2014