Is everyone nervous about Christmas yet? Not because of the presents, of course, but because of the children! Right, no more hiding at the office or sending the children to school and enjoying a cup of coffee without being constantly asked where a certain toy, food, towel, book, electronic device, or sibling is. For everyone who needs a little reminder that kids might be loud, terribly fast, messy, and always hungry, but also damn funny we got the best tweets about the little ones. Enjoy your time together! (And don’t forget to check on the decorations!)
The kids asked if they could write “Let It Snow” on the windows… the bottom is what can be seen from the road. pic.twitter.com/qayoHSY7li
— JINGLE JANGLE JUSTIN 🎄 (@Heisenherr) December 5, 2020
My kids: *watching me fall down a full flight of stairs* Can you get me a snack
— Lindsay Hunter (@lindsaydevon) December 13, 2020
My son just made me a sandwich. Unsolicited. It was nice. I think he must have done something very bad. 🤔
— Geoffrey M. 🇺🇸🏴🕉️ (@Pelon) December 11, 2020
Everybody’s like “I hope my kids turn out to be in medicine and finance” and I’m over here hoping my kids form a band and let me go on tour with them and man their merch table.
— 🥕Haley Stewart🥕 (@HaleyCarrots) December 12, 2020
I just had to run my daughter a second bath because the first, and I quote, had a hair in it
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) September 30, 2020
Kids will be like «How do you think you’re gonna die» and then do a cartwheel
— ♥ mark magark♥ (@markedly) December 12, 2020
Not my son pressing me for 2 dollars…called me 4 times had my anxiety through the roof 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/cjc2bEpCXx
— Viral Toes (@britneychanel0x) December 10, 2020
There’s an old saying about raising kids: The days are long. The days are so, so damn long. I don’t remember the rest.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 10, 2020
every night between the kids bath time and bed time I casually mumble that I forgot something in my truck then I go outside, sit in my truck and hide for about 20-30 minutes. last night she caught me and my lovely evening breaks are no longer
— Casey Neistat (@Casey) December 13, 2020
My son keeps singing “we wish you a merry Christmas, but a happy new year” and the conjunction shift is killing me
— The Mountain Goats (@mountain_goats) December 10, 2020
i want to raise kids that don’t need therapy due to my parenting.
— . (@cloudsvogue) December 10, 2020
My kid wants to be Batman so bad he bought us opera tickets in a bad neighborhood.
— Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker) December 3, 2020
Just going through my daughter’s school work from this term. I’m getting nervous the teachers will call in the safeguarding team pic.twitter.com/7vU3y3EdKh
— Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) December 13, 2020
I’m going to raise my kids traditionally.
The oldest will be an inventor.
The middle child will love to read.
And the youngest will be a great at biting.
— Grace Christmas 🎄☃️🎄 (@GraceGThomas) November 28, 2020
Two months until Christmas and I’m already running out of lies to tell my kids about the Amazon packages showing up
Kids: ooh! What is it?
Me: I think daddy ordered a tool for his deck project…BORING lol
[Husband walks in] what’s up?
Me: Not much, I need you to build a deck
— Lurkin› Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 24, 2018
Fact: kids have 2 stomachs. One is the meal stomach. It’s about the size of a pea. This is why children cannot consume a full breakfast, lunch, dinner.
The second stomach is the snack stomach. This stomach stretches and has infinite amount of space.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 28, 2020