Forecasts assume that 2020 and 2021 will see very large birth rates. Why is that? Well, couples in quarantine have to keep themselves busy somehow. In the current situation many have more than enough time to devote to the “nice things” in life. Of course, there’s the other side to it, pitiful singles who have to suffer for months during the exit restrictions — no dates, no bars, and no Tinder. But fortunately, there is also us! We’ve gathered you 14 funny tweets about sex. Enjoy!
Sure, sex is good, but have you ever been cutting wrapping paper and the scissors get that sweet glide?
— 🔴 Benoît’s wheezing ghost (@NomDeBenoit) October 29, 2019
me: here comes the airplane
wife: see this is exactly why I hate blowing you
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) April 30, 2020
Please tell me your embarrassing sex stories so i feel better. I just thought about the time a few years ago when a guy went down on me and we made eye contact and I waved for some reason
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) March 10, 2020
sorry I don’t do casual sex however I do have sex with men who spend every second of their free time with me and tell me they’re in love with me but haven’t asked me to be their girlfriend and never will
— m (@okaishawty) January 4, 2020
me: I'm quite vocal during sex
her: lol that's ok
[later in bed]
me: *through megaphone* stop animal testing
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) December 27, 2019
me: hurt me
him: your math skills suck and your grandmother rolls over in her grave watching you try to make kimchi.
me: too far, Ling. too fucking far.
— 𝓜 (@Love_bug1016) December 20, 2019
this girl told me she likes pulling my hair while i go down on her because it makes her feel like remy from ratatouille i-
— mate has a van (@AlwaysAButt) December 20, 2019
If i nut in 5 mins during doggy style, thats 35 minutes in dog time so whats up
— MarcBrah ❂ (@marcsthetics) December 9, 2019
Somewhere out there, 2 porn bots are sending romantic DMs back and forth each thinking the other is a real person and I think that’s just wonderful
— eli the cutie pie (@jazz_inmypants) December 1, 2019
Those porn ads that say “try not to cum” have massively misunderstood why I’m watching porn.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 15, 2019
Yeah sex is cool but have you ever woken up in the middle of the night only to realise that you can still sleep for a few more hours.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) November 25, 2019
Ob/gyn: When was your last sexual activity?
Me: Dude you were there.
— The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 (@blade_funner) January 4, 2018
[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) July 25, 2015
god: u will have my son
mary: but we never fucked
god: [fully aware mary gives teethy blowjobs] and we never will
— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) November 11, 2019