Hello ladies, oh and the gentlemen who «accidentally clicked the link» and are simply «too polite» to close this tab without reading the entire article. Let’s start with giving each of us a little context on our topic of choice: the average woman owns 14 bras, sorting her aversion for them according to material and the reason for wearing them. The range extends from sports bras made of microfiber: they cause accidents that otherwise are only known from commercial fishing, but you can wear them for up to 16 weeks without a break before you cut yourself out with a scalpel. In the middle are underwire bras, which are sometimes needed to keep the girls in check, but the second your fake smile freezes at the end of a zoom meeting they loose their reason for existing. The top of the aversion is anything with lace and pads, which serves the same purpose as a PhD in philosophy: nice to own, hopefully someone will confuse it with something really useful but never make the mistake of trying to showing off with it. If there are any questions left, please consult our fine, comfortable selection of bra Tweets!
#1: Uhm, officer, it might sound a little unusual but …
I’ve never been held hostage, but I have gotten trapped in my own sports bra while getting undressed.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 28, 2019
#2: That’s why it’s called bramnesia
Took off my bra and forgot what I was mad about
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 18, 2017
#3: Release the hounds!
When you didn’t put on a bra to walk the dog, but some neighbors stopped you to chat about the trash cans. pic.twitter.com/PzVnc0CB4g
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 4, 2018
#4: You need a higher table
I hate bras so much now I don’t care if I have 5 mins between zooms I am taking that monster off
— Meena Harris (@meena) March 18, 2021
#5: Free the girls!
Ripping off your mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home
— Maggie Scott (@maggiescott231) May 10, 2020
#6: Knock, knock! It’s your bra that hasn’t seen you in a while!
5: Mommy, why do girls wear bras?
Me: To support their boobies.
5: No, they’re trapping their boobies. They’re booby traps. *cracks herself up*
I’m raising a comedian.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 12, 2019
I saw a woman take her bra off walking down the street today. She appeared fine/not distressed etc. Her dress was loose fitting. She just slam took her bra off in 38 degree weather and put her windbreaker back on and stuffed the bra in her purse. Today…I saw freedom. 😂😂😂😂
— a princess diana stan account (@seabethree) March 8, 2018
#8: Great place for a corporate history
«How many tags should we sew into these? Like, enough to print the Iliad? That sounds good.» – Bra designers
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) August 25, 2015
#9: So much to learn
Ain’t nobody wearing bras bruh https://t.co/jmZvZtoHty
— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) April 12, 2020
#10: It’s never too early!
I just checked my calendar to see if I can take off my bra for the rest of the day and boy do I have GREAT news
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) May 17, 2019
#11: Erotic daydreaming once your over 30
— currt ♛ (@currtnayy) July 30, 2018
#12: Hello? HELLO?!
no one is having a harder time reading the room than all my bra ads on instagram
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 17, 2020
#13: Except from really having to exercise
I think I speak for many cis women when I say that our actual greatest locker-room fear is getting stuck in our sweaty sports bra with no one around to help free us
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) June 30, 2020
Remember the days when you didn’t have to change for your working out?