Alright, we’re raising the bar. From now on, you’ll find the best Tweets of the week here on www.best-of-twitter.com. Have fun and spread the word. 😉
#:
there are so many parking spots on campus this weekend bc all the freshmen went home to break up with or be broken up with by their significant other from high school
— rachel mcgrath (@_rachelmcgrath) September 1, 2018
#2:
me platonically: hello angel, love of my life, i missed u today, did u know i love u & that my heart will never stop beating for u & u alone? i would go to the ends of the earth to make sure that u are taken care of at all times, i would kill for u
me romantically: sup u bitch
— 𝖈𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖘 @ 𝟏𝟑𝟏𝟐 ⛓ (@babymetalllll) September 1, 2018
#3:
The Lord of the Rings would be objectively better if you replaced every time Gandalf said "Saruman" with "my ex"
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) August 31, 2018
#4:
Jesus died for your sins but Trump lives for them.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 31, 2018
#5:
wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium
me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) August 30, 2018
#6:
The photojournalist's dilemma: save your girlfriend's pasta or get the shot of a lifetime? pic.twitter.com/ESBf56hvkV
— Margaret Middleton (@magmidd) August 28, 2018
#7:
I’m sorry @NASA 😁 pic.twitter.com/ITur4daVsI
— ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ (@PyarSeMario) August 28, 2018
#8:
“what’s the highest you’ve ever been?” pic.twitter.com/ftatleiOUr
— lindsey (@oldlinds) August 30, 2018
#9:
ARE YOU A HUMAN CAT?
– naps all the time
– needs to be loved
– done with everyone’s shit
– always wants snacks
– might want to kill everyone
– cute but will fight— Vivian (@suchnerve) August 29, 2018
#10:
Boy in the pub was telling me his job is a penguin erector so every time a plane flys over Edinburgh zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over n he just goes round picking them back up, 38 penguins 2000 flights a day
— S H A U N I (@shalaylaa) August 19, 2018
