Some people see food purely as a necessity, which of course isn’t true. Food can be art, a hobby or a way to find new friends. No, I’m not talking about dining clubs. Other people can be dangerous, they might wanna make you share your dessert or worse, like pineapple pizza. Imagine the horror. Instead, make pasta your friend. Adopt a few meatballs. Discuss the corona crisis with a block of parmesan. Or read our Daily to a lonely pack of grilled cheese sandwiches. Enjoy!
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 10, 2012
Food delivery is a combination of my three favorite things:
2. Not moving
3. Avoiding people
— TokenSuperhero (@MarcusTheToken) July 18, 2011
I hate when I try to order a salad and my mouth says, "I'll have a double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 29, 2014
*Grates entire hand*
Please…I have a family.
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) July 8, 2014
[hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom]
"Now give me my wife."
"This is short by £2.39"
[hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got."
— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) December 23, 2014
Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why
Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
— moody monday (@mdob11) October 18, 2015
Really? A fucking salad??
– Julius Caesar coming back to life
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 4, 2015
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 12, 2016
*approaches hot blonde at supermarket*
"Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you're blocking the fucking Lunchables?"
— matt (@shadygrenade) June 5, 2014